Cupcakes+Caps+and just enough Pulled Pork
A tension of joy and sorrow is the deepest form of feeling
In September 2006, I held my first baby boy in my arms. This week I watched him walk onto a sunny stage and accept his high school diploma. The tears were relentless as the last eighteen and a half years flashed before my eyes. How did it go so fast? How were the longs days of parenting Jonah all leading up to this moment?
The hot, wet tears flowed down my cheek as my husband held my hand. My thoughts were pummeled with the days of Jonah’s life and the reality of his daddy in heaven missing most of them.
Jonah turned seven the day after Benji passed. A dichotomy of raw sorrow and tangible joy.
This day felt the same. A tension between all the good and all the hurt.
This is hard to admit I often find myself thankful for the deep sorrow I have experienced because it allows me to feel the joy at a deeper more meaningful level. I feel alive in those moments because I know that I am living the deepest human experience and that God is with me and carrying me through.
I leaned into Jesus and His promise in Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”. It was by HIS strength that I made it through the ceremony.
My one prayer for the day was that Jonah would feel loved and celebrated, that his cup would overflow.
Planning an open house for 40 people, not knowing who is going to show up, what time they are going to show up and if they will even be hungry is not easy.
David woke up at 4am and got 16lbs of pork on the Traeger, with just a mustard seed of hope that it would be eaten. We would either have pulled pork for days or we would be left embarrassed with an empty pot because we didn’t buy enough.
Whenever I worry about having the right amount of food for people I always whisper a little prayer “5 loaves and 2 fish” under my breath. I surrender the outcome, even in this seemingly insignificant problem, and I trust that God will make it work out.
By 5pm, the house was clean and decorated with the Traeger smoke wafting through the windows. The first guest arrived and ate. Then the second and the third. By mid- evening our house was brimming with family and friends, the pork was disappearing and Jonah was smiling.
My prayer was answered. Jonah felt loved and celebrated more than I could have ever thought or imagined. Just like God promises.
And we still have a few cupcakes left over.
All this to say that God sees us in all of our pain and in all of our celebration. He longs to be a part of all of it giving space for us to feel all the feels at the deepest, most meaningful level.
Questions to ponder:
How do I make space for both joy and sorrow in my daily life without judgment?
In what ways can my sorrow deepen my experience of joy?
What lessons might my current challenges be teaching me about hope?
Fave Links of the Week:
My son will be leaving for college in 3 months and I have this desperate need to teach him ALL the things left unsaid about leaving the nest and living in the real world. This book has been phenomenal in giving me insight into how to talk to him about love and relationships. A MUST read for anyone with teenagers!
Swipe Right: The life and death power of sex and romance by Levi Lusko
It’s sunscreen season and I am always on the look out for clean, non-toxic, even healthy versions of sunscreen. I love to make my own but when i’m in a crunch, this is one that I highly recommend.
I am always trying new versions of electrolytes. As with sunscreen, I like to make my own but this one is SOOO yummy and my water intake has gone up because of it.
Guava Mango Electrolyte powder by Just Ingredients
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See you next time!
